It was 2017, pre-2020 (Before most people felt comfortable even admitting that Black lives matter) and a white, former private school classmate of mine was feeling bold as she slid into my DMs for a discussion on racism.
Somehow I found myself in the all too common - defending Colin Kaepernick kneeling in protest to police brutality in this country - conversation and also defending general outrage against Trayvon Martin's murder.
At this point, I was in a phase where I still had hope that some people could be reasoned with, through rational conversation and a loving tone - especially if they were outwardly a Christian and supposedly living a lifestyle dedicated to love. I am a realist, but I did had an ounce of hope that my former classmates, the ones that grew up with me as one of their few (if not only) black friends, would at the very least take a step back, if they realized that I completely disagreed with their (often disrespectful) social media posts. Spoiler alert - I was wrong.
She made the usual arguments.
Argument 1: That it was disrespectful to the military to kneel.
To this I asked "what about my black friends and family who are veterans and would kneel beside him...do they not matter?"
Argument 2: She said that she didn't see a systemic/societal issue because she herself is someone working in healthcare and just doesn't see color.
I didn’t go down the path of explaining the problem of “not seeing color” and instead noted that no matter what she sees/does personally, she couldn’t speak for everyone.
Could she not see that at the very least, that not everyone in this world was loving or empathetic? I was mortified. Could she not even see beyond herself or her own personal experiences or whoever she was claiming to be?
I thought to myself "This isn't even about you".
I remained calm and respectful even as my former classmate inevitably turned the conversation to a hostile environment.
When she couldn't really argue with me about the broader issue, she started speaking with language directed towards me personally, rather than the Black community as a whole.
"YOU have nothing to worry about"
"Come on, you really think YOUR life is in danger?
She thought that because I went to a private school with her and only a handful of other people that looked like me, that somehow I wasn't the kind of Black person that needed to worry. I realized what she was doing and I instantly felt sick.
It was like she was adding a little classism into the mix, thinking that would help her to make her point. She started saying that I was not in danger as to say that even if some black people were in danger, I, Jaslyn Ferguson, wasn't the kind of black person that would be in danger.
That's when she said it. She finally said, "OMG you’re fine, you know...you're like Michelle Obama".
We went to the same private school and this girl's family lived in a mansion. Meanwhile, my family lived in debt and sacrificed everything to put me in that school, simply so that I would have chances and opportunities that my parents didn't have as Black Americans growing up in the 60's. I know that compared to many people in general that I lived a privaledged in many ways. My parents were successful in their careers and the fact that private school was an option, was an accomplishment. But this privalege came with a cost. Every day that I was in that private Christian school, I faced multiple micro and macro agressions, from unsolited hair petting to teachers flat out saying that Black people aren't in the Bible - a far stretch from this girl's experience where she was probably oblivious to the very things that shaped my adolescence. And let’s be real, Michelle Obama didn't grow up with a silver spoon or a childhood void of discrimination either, as evident in her autobiagraphy.
Our pasts aside, just because Michelle Obama and I are college educated, perceived as fashionable, and both have notable career accomplishments...we are not exempt from racism.
Both Michelle Obama and I have shared stories publically about situations where we have faced racism. In fact, if we have anything in common, it is that in spite of the levels of success that we have achieved in our careers, we have still faced discrimination in this country and multiple scenarios that made us feel unsafe.
To this day if my older brother, a Black man in his 30s, goes for a walk or bike ride to and from his gated commnity, if it is dark or raining (and he's wearing a hoodie or anything similar), he'll often call a family member just in case. Just a couple of years ago I was pulled over for no reason. I had committed no crime, not even a traffic violation and feared the outcome as I was questioned by a cop who admitted I had done nothing wrong.
I asked her if she thought that I and other Black Americans were just exaggerating. She didn't try to sugarcoat it and she said yes.
